Answer Within
There comes a point, where most people start to reminisce about their lives. What is it all about? Why am I here? Am I actually happy in my life, or does it feel like “Groundhog Day”?
At the age of 15 I had the distinct feeling that there must be more to life than our eyes can see. We’d been to church and the vicar had finished his sermon, in which he spoke about Jesus introducing his disciples. Nothing followed and I thought: Well, what did he say? I started contemplating that question, knowing that the answer would have been the interesting freeing bit for me, but it was missing.
I am not a religious person, although in a conventional way I would say that my upbringing was, Christian protestant. I am a spiritual person. I’ve spent a lot of my life with self-development, doing lots of courses, learning various techniques and modalities to get beyond thought and / or feelings, stepping into the arena of awareness. I’ve seen amazing changes happen, I’ve seen exorcism with a priestess in Bali, I’ve been witness to the most amazing intuitive work, I’ve felt light, blessed, dark, changed, freed, touched by source. I’ve held innumerable sessions with people, initiating change, serving as the conductor for energy to flow and initiate change.
You might ask: why? I can only say that once I’d reached a certain point in my personal development, there was no going backwards. It’s forwards, wherever it might lead me from here. One of my life – intents is to become the best possible version of myself. What does that mean? Feeling connected to people including myself, having empathy for people and myself, losing being judgemental, being conscious of my choices, my behaviour, my feelings and thoughts. I means becoming an observer in my own story - trying to consciously steer what I am ‘writing’ rather than following the lines that might make sense or feel appropriate for most people or are ‘the thing to do’. I means tarting to get a better feeling for all the facets of myself (not just the pleasant ones) and accepting or changing what I find, connecting to a higher energy than myself, becoming happier, more wholehearted, kind and forgiving towards others and myself, becoming stronger within myself, accepting myself more for who I am at this moment in time – including all my fears and hurts, my negativity and failures, allowing myself to be seen.
I believe that standing in our own light is much harder than criticising ourselves. I also believe that we have the answers to lots of questions if we seek within ourselves, if we open up to the possibility of MORE. For what it’s worth, I believe that I am here to have the most amazing meals from ‘the buffet of life’, that I deserve the most amazing colourful experiences, completely blissful happy moments – if I allow myself to step out of my comfort zone, accept challenges on the way, live with passion, know roughly where I’m heading and give my all. Yes, there are drawbacks, moments of doubt, mistrust, upset and pain, but overall I know I am fulfilling my path (or is my path fulfilling?), wandering forwards, always forwards, because that’s what I chose, what I want more than anything – all the while listening to my intuition, connecting to MORE, working hard at getting beyond my own limitations and loving what I find within myself and others.
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