Happiness
Is happiness the ONE big achievement all humans are striving towards that, once reached, gives us a sense of fulfilment in life?
To reach that fulfilment, what do we have to do or not do?
Is life a huge voyage towards happiness as an end-state?
Do we have to therefore aim for the ‘right’ things and achieve the ‘right’ things to be granted happiness: the slim body, the better paid job, the bigger house, the best exam, the most popularity, the most exclusive holiday..?
Or does happiness come in small doses, maybe by collecting happy moments and cherishing them in our hearts and minds, warming us from within, knowing full well we can’t hold on to them, but having our brains take screenshots as long-term memories that we can go back to, whenever we feel like it?
I think we all have an inkling what happy means to us. Everyone understands, when you say: I was so happy that day! or Happy days! It’s declaring a positive state that we long for. Unfortunately, the path towards reaching it seems less clear. We all know happy occasions, so why are we quickly left with a feeling of emptiness when they’re over, why does the satisfaction never seem to last?
We all live in duality: day/night, rich/poor, positive/negative, forgiving/unforgiving, love/hate, success/failure to name a few. There are two sides to each coin. I’ve pondered HAPPINESS for this blog, but it is also something I would say I generally ‘work towards’. I have had some blissfully happy moments in my life, but also long phases of discontent – with myself, with life in general, with the cards I felt I had been dealt. If we accept both sides of the coin, we become aware that happiness is probably not meant to be a permanent state. Without the challenging times in our lives maybe we wouldn’t appreciate the positive ones for what they are, as intensely as we do? Food for thought.
I think a lot of people long for something nicer, feel unfulfilled, but they’re stuck in a routine that they don’t know how to change, or they just ignore that inner voice, that niggle inside that indicates something isn’t going to plan, that in fact they are not happy. A lot of our everyday behaviours are a result of killing that uncomfortable knowledge that things ought to be different, that maybe we really should pay more attention to our health after all, that our marriage hasn’t been happy for many years, that our career isn’t fulfilling us... We tend to procrastinate or distract ourselves, when it comes to major decisions, or fill the void by overlaying it with other ‘stuff’: training excessively, losing weight, shopping, drinking, watching TV, playing computer games, going on social media, sex, taking drugs.. It quietens the inner discomfort, but usually only short-term. Then we have to fill the void again.
Over time my way of dealing with ‘my stuff’ has changed from focusing on changing the outside (at age 18 and in my 30s – weight loss and fitness six times a week; not that changing significantly on the outside wasn’t satisfying, it was, deeply, but it didn’t make me happy) to getting to know my inside better and starting to change from the inside out. I started a journey on the inside, exploring my inner landscape - did courses, took sessions with incredible teachers, learned healing modalities and counselling, meditate daily. It took me decades to genuinely think: Maybe I’m actually ok – I like myself! I think I was in my mid-thirties. To really look in the mirror and challenge ourselves and question our purpose in life is hard work. And it’s not for everyone - I have very close family and friends who would never actively choose to question their lives, their choices, their past or try to get a closer understanding of how they tick inside. I completely respect that. I think I’ve always been too much of the opposite myself, self-reflecting to the point of over-analysing combined with an unhealthy and cutting self-criticism. However, over time I have become kinder towards myself, accepting my edges with more grace and patience until the time is ripe to address them.
Back to happiness and how to achieve it…
I only walk in my shoes. I have worked out over years what ‘works for me’. Sharing that (for what it’s worth) is an offer to ponder and might be an opportunity to look at happiness from a different angle than you normally would. Yet, it doesn’t have to be!
Find out what works for you.
Looking at my life I have many happy memories for which I am appreciative and thankful. Counting all those moments together sums up a lot of happiness. Being aware of what makes me happy (for some input see my blog LOVE LIFE), what is precious to me, what touches me, who and what I care for, nurturing my inner needs and listening to my inner voice as well as connecting with people and doing the work I have chosen to do are MY happy things in life. The more authentic, genuine and honest I am with all these aspects of myself, the more intense and longer lasting my happy moments have become - almost like being filled from within rather than feeling the need to fill myself from the outside.
There’s no recipe for happiness - after all we’re all different, we all walk in our individual shoes. If you’re not sure how to change or nurture your choices, your needs, your mindset, yourself, why not book a session and explore your possibilities with SPLASH-counselling?
You already hold the key to your happiness, sometimes it just helps to gather a bit of new insight to have a hand steady enough to use it to unlock the treasure.
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